Susan Marshall’s Blog

Despite daily evidence from Washington and the entertainment industry to the contrary, truly powerful people do not resort to name-calling as a means of getting attention or being heard.

Crazy, I know.

We’ve all seen plenty of evidence showing how coarse our culture has become, and how juvenile. The name-calling in Washington and across the full spectrum of entertainment is shameful. Embarrassing, too, if you listen long enough. I have caught myself asking out loud, “Did you hear what you just said?!” as I listen to radio and TV news. Sitcoms are worse, I’m told. I don’t know. I don’t watch them.

But lest we believe that the whole world is going down this particular drain, I have observed something quite different among some business leaders, educators, and bright young professionals.

Truly powerful people don’t call other people names. They don’t need to. They have learned how to present their point of view—even argument—with certainty and comfort in their position.

Instead of calling someone a derogatory name, they will challenge a decision or outcome based on information or process.

Reasonable people disagree. Confident people state their case and listen to opposing viewpoints. Truly powerful people take it to the next step to make things happen. They have no time for juvenile acting out or wasted time and energy involved in name-calling.

Excuse the expression; it’s not one I normally use, especially in public. But it captures the mood of our times.

A lot of people are angry and scared, frustrated with ongoing bad news, and out of both patience and trust. They are wound tight; ready to spring on anything they perceive to be a threat or outright attack.

General problems have become deeply personal. Dark intentions are attributed to any expression that confuses. Emotional outbursts take place at least as often as measured discourse. Nothing good can come of this.

If you find yourself on the verge of exploding, take a break from life to calm down. Take a deep breath, talk to a friend, go for a walk, take a cold shower; whatever it takes to clear your mind and settle your nerves.

When you’re ready to come back, close your mouth, open your ears, and listen to what is being said, not what you think is being said, or what is ‘really intended.’ Where you have questions, ask them. If you are confused, ask for clarification. In each instance, listen with an open and curious mind, then think about what you heard before you respond to it.

There is a dangerous pattern of immediate reaction happening all around us today. When buttons get pushed, people react, often without thinking. This tends to invite additional reaction until a chain of events has unfolded that no one understands, but many regret.

Don’t go there. Unwind your spring. Take a break to find some perspective. We’ll all be better off.

Challenging times call for clear thinking, bold action, and a steady hand on the wheel. The best leaders are conscious of these requirements and mindful in their practice of them. They conduct swift but thorough due diligence, think through implications of their decisions, then act. They do not equivocate, apologize, or back track, and strong opposition does not intimidate them. In fact, they appreciate healthy argument as a means of clarifying everyone’s thinking.

Another approach to decision making entails the building of consensus among groups of stakeholders. This is facilitation, a process that is sometimes vitally important to a productive outcome. It requires special skill in drawing out differing viewpoints, finding common ground, and creating plans that are amenable to all.

This approach can be effective in relatively harmonious situations and in times of relative calm. However, when tensions run high and quick action is needed, this approach almost always fails.

There are several reasons for this. First of all, facilitation of a group process takes a good deal of time, especially if group members do not know one another well.

Second, finding common ground within a diverse group requires exceptional skill on the part of the facilitator. All members need to feel appreciated, even valued, for their contribution before they will agree to support any negotiated consensus. Even after agreeing, some wander off the ranch.

Third, tension and pressure to act often preclude deep thinking and mature discussion. Lines between conflicting factors get drawn, bad behaviors surface, and situations too often become deeply personal. Good decisions are rare.

After decades of team-based work, starting with the earliest quality circles in the 1960s, we have institutionalized our belief that collaboration is the way to success. But successful collaboration requires strong people with clear and certain viewpoints, a goal to guide them, a commitment to give their best effort, and a leader.

There is a time and place for facilitation. Its purpose is to draw out the accumulated knowledge of a group and decide, collectively, how best to use it. But it is too passive a method when urgent action is required. When the house is on fire, parents don’t gather the kids to discuss which exit they might prefer.

The best leaders recognize that tough times call for definitive principle and courageous action. They make sure to understand the parameters of a problem, the availability of resources, and the talent necessary for success. They trust others to challenge their assumptions, offer alternative solutions, and demand proof, all at a pace that meets a problem head on.

Facilitation is not leadership. Mistaking it as such sows the seeds of despair.

My head has been spinning lately as I watch our government do things that have never been done before and try to discern the reasons why. Forgive my naivete, but when did we give the government permission to remove business leaders from their jobs? I missed that news.

When did we decide that talking to our enemies was the way to protect our hard-won freedoms? Yes, I understand that negotiations are a useful strategy. The best negotiators I know are tough as nails with deep knowledge of their opponents’ tendencies and weaknesses. Their objective is to win as much as possible, while allowing the least gain for their opponents. Mind you, we’re talking about enemies, not neutral players.

Flattery is an oft-used tactic to soften opposition. It is usually followed by an unexpected demand or strike.

The economy is in the tank and our planet is due to self-incinerate any day now, yet politicians jet here and there, make speeches that are unintelligible, pursue lifestyles of privilege as though nothing has changed, then go to taxpayers for support money.

I don’t get it. But here’s something I do get. Confusion is a power tactic that works. When you talk fast enough out of both sides of your mouth, you can eventually confuse or frustrate your opponent into silence or acquiescence.

Forget politics for the moment. Look at abusive relationships. The person in power says something mean, then tells the offended other that no meanness was intended. A powerful one beats a weaker one, then declares ‘true love.’ A powerful one makes a decision that harms a weaker one, then tells the other that he is not harmed.

Weaker ones, who may actually be quite strong in other respects, struggle to understand the truth. They want to believe that their abuser means well. But actions and words don’t add up. They grow uneasy. Over time, they become weary and dependent. Their power is gone, along with their confidence and happiness.

When leaders purposely confuse followers, they abuse power. When followers are intimidated into apathetic acquiescence, freedom dies. You see it at work, at home, in schools and churches, in communities, and certainly in governments.

We are in danger throughout our society of being confused into doing things we don’t want to do by people who believe they know better than we do what we need. This is not new. But it sure seems to be more widespread than ever before.

I ask myself why and I don’t like the answers. Decayed values, eroded education, diminished discipline, failure of leadership, and unwillingness to struggle in any way to have the things we want.

Confusion arises when we no longer know what’s right and we don’t know whom to trust. We become sitting ducks!

How to protect yourself? Figure out your values. Ask questions. Listen to the answers with your ears, your mind, and your body. Pay attention to the responses you hear and feel. Refuse to accept lies.

Practice taking care of yourself, your loved ones, and your possessions. Plan for the future and act in ways that allow you to realize it.

Learn about history. While it may not seem relevant today, it carries deep lessons of how people thought (and fought), how decisions were made and the consequences that resulted, and how generations of people sought clarity for their lives.

Remember: Where power is involved, confusion is a tactic that works.

The May 10, 2009 Sunday Business section of the New York Times ran an article entitled “Backlash: Women Bullying Women.” The article laid out the problem of women’s bullying, postulated reasons for it, and offered solutions. I found it disappointing on several levels.

First, the article cites a survey by the Workplace Bullying Institute that says “a good 40 percent” of workplace bullies are women and that women tend to “prefer their own kind, choosing other women as targets more than 70 percent of the time.” (Men, on the other hand, are more equal opportunity bullies, “mowing down men and women pretty much in equal measure.”)

This bullying of women by women is referred to as “the pink elephant in the room” by a California executive coach who wonders how women can break through the glass ceiling if they are “ducking verbal blows from other women in cubicles, hallways and conference rooms.”

Oh, how I wish women could get past the glass ceiling mindset! Now we need to be fending off attacks at every turn? How many barriers—real or imagined—must women continue to learn about and rail against? How much energy do we have for this?

Next, bad behavior is chronicled, with comments from a variety of sabotaged women across the land. Reasons for this bullying are postulated: Gender stereotypes create inequality in leadership positions—men hold more of them and that’s not fair. Double standards with regard to aggressive behavior among men and women set women off. No matter what women do, it’s “never just right.”

On top of this, companies simply don’t address bullying at work and it costs them in higher turnover, higher health care costs, and reduced productivity.

What to do?

Well, let’s study it. Researchers from the State University of New York at New Paltz and Wayne State University “have developed a questionnaire to identify the full range of behaviors that can constitute bullying, which could help companies uncover problems that largely go unreported.

Their 29 questions include: Over the past 12 months, have you regularly: been glared at in a hostile manner, been given the silent treatment, been treated in a rude or disrespectful manner, or had others fail to deny false rumors about you?”

Stop right there. A visit to the grocery store on any given day with an average wait in line will likely expose you to every one of these behaviors, either directly or as overheard conversations between cashiers and baggers.

What value could there possibly be in asking women to keep track of these incidents? More to the point, what might these distractions prevent them from noticing or doing that would actually advance their learning and enhance their contributions on the job?

The article continues with additional researchers, programs, and hypotheses about why women are so mean to women at work.

Bottom line: We’re taught at an early age to compete for attention and we never quite get over it. So we’d better track it, report it, and hope our companies are wise enough to do something about it.

Articles like this suggest that learning to deal with bullies is more important to a woman’s career health and longevity than making herself knowledgeable, useful and productive.

The article makes me shake my head. Thanks for the insight. This is help we do not need.

To all who face a challenging decision or dilemma: Keep on thinking!

Truncated thinking is the all-too-common phenomenon in which the thinker encounters an aspect of a decision that is really tough and decides to postpone additional thinking in order to ‘do something more productive.’

To illustrate, let’s say a new product design reaches a ‘go’ or ‘no-go’ point. Stakes are relatively high because a substantial amount of time and money has already been invested in the design.

A ‘go’ decision requires further investment and a test in the marketplace. A ‘no-go’ decision begs justification of the investment already made. There is potential for embarrassment in either case and in some instances jobs may be on the line.

Individuals get paralyzed by the negative what-if’s and truncated thinking causes the project to stall. No resolution is actively taken; oftentimes the original idea dies for lack of follow-through.

Truncated thinking can sound like this: “We can’t do that.” “My boss won’t go for this.” “We don’t have the resources.” “That’s not our business.”

To the extent that there are solid reasons for the above declarations, they may be true. But oftentimes, they are pulled out when people get tired of thinking, are preoccupied with other matters, or simply don’t know what to do next.

Truncated thinking is a confidence killer. If it happens often enough, the very process of thinking deeply and creatively is destroyed. Thinking becomes more a review of recent successful history than an exploration of what might be possible given the resources and opportunities at hand.

“We can’t do that,” is often an expression of concern about talent, resources, or permission. Probing these concerns can yield new ideas or understanding that rejuvenate confidence.

“My boss won’t go for this,” indicates some trepidation between thinker and boss. Perhaps the manner in which an idea is being presented has been rejected in the past. To continue productive thinking, ask: “What would my boss go for?”

“We don’t have the resources,” is a painful reality for many today. However, allocating resources is still a management responsibility and examining new allocations to spur growth is worth the exercise.

“That’s not our business,” is a buggy whip classic. Business people build confidence by continuing to look ahead and think deeply, paying close attention to shifts in demographics, economics, social trends, business developments, regulations, and resources.

Each new day brings a fresh combination of elements that can create hurdles, clear pathways, or simply muddy the waters. If truncated thinking becomes a part of your culture, hurdles and muddy water will likely obscure any new pathways. Beware this confidence killer. Make time each day to think deeply and well about your decisions. Your future awaits.

Learning a new skill or adopting new behavior is a process. A process, by definition, consists of numerous steps usually followed sequentially and often requiring that one step be completed successfully before another can begin.

Computer processes take a substantial amount of time to design; when complete they can make a lot of work seem automatic. Think of the calculations done by spreadsheet programs or the instant corrections to grammar and spelling by word processing programs. The speed creates an illusion of ease.

This illusion spills over into other areas of work and creates frustration when something takes longer or seems more difficult than it should be. Professional development is a classic example of this.

Training programs that promise more effective managers, more productive employees, and more accountable leaders in just a day away from the office are just plain wrong. They create expectations for fast and supposedly lasting learning that are simply unrealistic. Confusion, frustration, and disappointment are natural and inevitable by-products.

The simple truth is that growth takes time. While we may be able to pick up new concepts quickly, executing new behavior is a different prospect altogether. How many times have you known the right thing to do but found yourself unable (or unwilling) to do it?

Accepting the fact that growth takes time leads to the question of how much time is enough? The unsatisfying but true answer is: It depends. The variables that influence the answer include the desired outcome and how different it is from current norms, a person’s willingness and capacity to change, the resources available to support learning, and the urgency of the situation. There is no one-size-fits-all formula.

This makes workforce and executive development a messy, uneven, tough-to-quantify prospect. No wonder organizations struggle with it!

Success requires a change of mind regarding planning and implementation of development programs. Standardized programs and mass education are dinosaurs of the trade. E-learning enables individualized study, but it does not necessarily promote changed behavior. Only work ‘in the field’ can provide the practice and feedback necessary to change old ways. Coaching is often very effective in helping to learn and cement new practices, but it may not be practical or affordable on a grand scale.

The work of development must be done on a daily basis. It must become part of every meeting, every exchange of ideas, and all communication. Just as a dieter gets used to taking the stairs instead of the elevator, people at work can successfully challenge and change habits that no longer serve them.

Leaders must accept the responsibility for modeling desired behaviors both in terms of providing guidance and receiving feedback. The higher up one goes, the rarer feedback becomes. To change this, leaders must ask for and be open to feedback.

Cultures transform when people at all levels and across all functions teach and learn from one another. This transformation is neither sudden nor easy. It takes time and full measures of patience, persistence, and practice. Given today’s challenging circumstances, I can’t think of a better time to get started.

When did it begin, this kinda, sorta, maybe way of thinking that makes right and wrong nothing more than intellectual exercises?

When did we become a nation of slick marketing geniuses at the expense of truth, which is the foundation of capitalism? When did a handshake become a chuckle up the sleeve because some dope believed you would do what you said?

Watching the truly pathetic parade of mealy-mouthed liars at the center of our political and economic stages is crazy making. Watching the American people leap like sheep over the edge of relativism is heartbreaking.

We used to revile snake oil salesmen! Now we examine our perceived wounds, ponder his salve, and decide that his quick fix is better than a longer process of natural, more reliable, healing.

I cannot wrap my mind around the reality—and it is that—that truth has become a throw-away commodity in our world. Negotiating deals based on promises of power or advantage trumps alliances based on values and truth and performance.

What good can we expect to come of this?

I remember as a kid being drilled about the importance of truth. Telling a lie was about the worst thing you could do because it besmirched yourself and everyone else who had a relationship with you. When you lied as a kid, the credibility and goodness of your parents was called into question. So, too, was the validity of the school you attended, the teachers who instructed you, and any other authority figures who vouched for you.

If you told a lie, you broke trust. There was nothing more dishonorable you could do.

How alien the notions of those days.

Today, if you can’t command media attention, you don’t matter. Outrageous acts are celebrated. Deviance is the new social order.

What is the end game, I wonder? Where are we going with fast talk, high fives, and unholy alliances?

When truth becomes a subjective matter, we are in serious trouble.

Houston, we have a problem.

Like many of my fellow citizens, I watch the news with growing concern and, on some days, a hint of fear. I work hard to maintain a sense of perspective and as I review my current situation, I must admit that I have everything I need to make my way through this day with confidence and good cheer. Whether that will be true six months, a year, or ten years from now I certainly cannot say. I may not be here.

We all face challenges as we weave the stories of our lives. Most of us, at one time or another, will confront at least one challenge that taxes us beyond what we believe we are capable of enduring. Yet somehow we survive. We learn that danger can be overcome.

But the times we face today are different from others I have known, experienced, and endured. The difference I see is that so few people speak with simplicity, clarity, and truth.

There have always been hustlers and charlatans among us, people who play fast and loose with money and morals and who don’t bother to remember what they said because they don’t intend to live up to their promises. Politicians, as a class of people, have always been considered in this band of thieves.

But the behavior is more widespread today. And that is very dangerous.

Capitalism is built on trust. Historically, a handshake was enough to seal a deal. A person’s word was his bond, respected and honored by all parties. Contracts were once considered inviolable, so we signed them with thoughtfulness and care. We were careful with our language, too, knowing that it reflected the quality of our thinking.

Oh, the good old days.

The financial turmoil and political nihilism that form the backdrop of our current existence did not come about because a few rogues somehow overtook our systems. They seeped into our culture over decades of tiny little concessions of truth, the little white lies about everything from how we look to how many pennies were on the desk, from how faithful we are to how accountable we hold each other to things we agreed that mattered.

Close enough was good enough for long enough to make everything negotiable. But negotiating in good faith is in jeopardy because we can no longer tell who is telling the truth.

It is a dangerous place we live today, recoverable only if we can muster the courage and character to take ourselves in hand, to tell the truth, manage selfish desires, and act in the best interests of our communities and the future, not just ourselves.

The political season has reached the final stages of a very long battle and I’m dismayed by so much of what I see:

Professional journalists coming unglued. Bloggers spewing opinion spiked with venom—many displaying their lack of education with horrific spelling and grammar. Candidates judged on the basis of oratory skills, hairstyles, verbal gaffes, and attractiveness of mates.

Shame on us.

We certainly live in a celebrity age and there is no doubt that people who matter little to what really matters get unwarranted time in the spotlight.

But there are others who stand to influence the course of world events who have become celebrities in this nation—our presidential candidates, for sure, along with people like Ahmadinejad, Putin, and others—who should be thought of in much more deliberate and educated terms.

Critical thinking is the first of five leadership skills I teach and if there has ever been a time for people to settle down and think critically, it is now.

The political environment has been frothy for nearly two years. Certainly the battle between the first woman and first black presidential candidate has inflamed the passions of many. On the surface, this is progress to be celebrated.

But when we consider the nastiness of the battle and the continuing preponderance of petty and thuggish behavior, this nation has nothing to be proud of.

What we are witnessing does not call anyone to highest aspirations or achievements. It calls to our basest natures and our meanest tendencies to take out opponents in order to advance personal achievements. Is this what we want to teach future generations?

We are conflicted as a society. Do we want to be street fighters? Not necessarily. Do we want to join hands to sing Kumbaya? Not necessarily. We want people to know they can’t mess with us. And we want people to know that compassion is important; that every one of us has a right to be who we are.

Cool. What does this mean for a self-governing nation?

How do we embrace, understand and come to decisions about issues that effect our future? Heated, emotional responses to heated, emotional taunts are not the answer. Judging people on their looks or oratory skills is dangerous. So is accepting what certain people say because they are “experts.”

Stop. Take a deep breath. Consider what is most important to you and what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve it. Promises made during the height of a political battle for president rarely hold up. That’s sad, but it’s true.

Our nation was founded on a government by the people, for the people. Think hard on that. You are “the people.”

Beyond the current politics, think about your life in general. Do you react with temperature, hot or cold, to people or events in your life? If so, you are at the mercy of others who can stir your emotions.

Critical thinking is about stepping back, getting a realistic view of the landscape, understanding the powers at work, understanding your “mission” and tendencies to react, and choosing the best pathway to an outcome you desire.

It’s not easy. Your opponents will not automatically cave in because you have done your homework. Don’t expect that.

Bu when you can get a handle on your emotions and automatic judgments, you’ll be stronger in your ability to recognize people who will truly work for you and those who only want to count you in their column of supporters.

Whether you realize it or not, you control the destiny of your country. By all means, step up to that with pride and conviction. But before you do, please take the time to think critically.